Why Your Relationship With Food Is Often Really About Your Relationship With Your Body
Part 1 of a 3-part series: Building a Healthier Relationship with Food & Your Body
In this series:
- Part 1: Why Your Relationship With Food Is Often Really About Your Relationship With Your Body (you’re here)
- Part 2: Why Changing Your Body Doesn’t Always Change Your Body Image
- Part 3: What Does Having a Healthy Body Image Actually Look Like?
Why Your Relationship With Food Is Often Really About Your Relationship With Your Body
Many people come to me because they want to improve their relationship with food. They feel they eat too much or eat the wrong things. Perhaps they have episodes of binge eating or notice they eat when they aren’t hungry. They feel guilty after eating dessert and wonder why they have no willpower. They feel that if they could just get their eating under control they would be happy.
But is it really eating that is the problem? After we spend some time talking, I often notice something surprising. The real distress isn’t actually about the food. It’s about what they believe the food means. If you could eat whatever you wanted and not gain weight, would you be worried about what or how much you’re eating?
The Hidden Chain
For many people, the thought process happens so quickly they barely notice it.
It often looks something like this:
I ate pizza.
↓
Pizza has lots of calories.
↓
I might gain weight.
↓
I don’t want to gain weight.
↓
Because I won’t/don’t like my body.
↓
Now I feel anxious, guilty, ashamed, or out of control.
The emotional reaction isn’t really about the food.
It’s about the fear of living in a body that feels unacceptable.
Why Body Image Matters
If you dislike your body, every food choice can start to feel loaded.
Eating isn’t just eating anymore. It becomes a test. A measure of whether you’re being “good.” A decision that feels like it could change how you look, how others see you, or whether you’ll ever feel comfortable in your own skin. This is an enormous amount of pressure to put on every meal. It’s no wonder eating starts to feel stressful
Why Dieting Doesn't Solve It
Many people believe that if they could just lose enough weight, they would be happy in their body and feel less guilt about food. They think they will be more confident and have better relationships.
For some people, food noise does get quieter for a while after weight loss.
But often it comes back.
Because the underlying belief hasn’t changed.
“If my body isn’t acceptable, I have to constantly control it.”
That belief keeps food feeling dangerous.
Even people who lose weight often find themselves terrified of gaining it back, constantly monitoring what they eat, or feeling guilty whenever they eat something they consider “bad.” Often they don’t feel the confidence and happiness they expected. Their relationships don’t change. They still compare themselves to others and find themselves lacking. The truth is that even people who have the “perfect body” can still struggle with body image.
With weight loss, your relationship with food may look different, but it still isn’t peaceful.
Healing Your Relationship With Food Often Means Healing Your Relationship With Your Body
This doesn’t mean you have to love every part of your body.
In fact, I don’t think that’s a realistic goal for many people.
The goal is something gentler.
To stop believing your worth depends on your size.
To become less afraid of your body changing.
To treat your body with kindness, even on the days you don’t particularly like how it looks.
When that happens, food loses much of its emotional power.
A cookie becomes a cookie.
Pizza becomes dinner.
One meal no longer feels like a verdict on your body or your future.
And that’s often when people begin to experience real freedom around food.
Maybe the Work Doesn't Start with Food
If you’ve been trying to improve your relationship with food but keep ending up back in guilt, restriction, or overeating, it may be worth asking yourself a different question.
Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with my eating?”
Try asking:
How do I feel about my body?
Sometimes that’s where the real healing begins.
Continue Reading
Part 2: Why Changing Your Body Doesn’t Always Change Your Body Image
In the next article, we’ll explore why changing your body doesn’t necessarily change how you feel about it—and why body image often has much deeper roots than body size alone.
I offer therapy in person in Guelph and virtually across Ontario for adults struggling with emotional eating, binge eating, body image, and their relationship with food.
